November 19, 2011

Gulag? More like gu-licious!

Me: Is it bad that when I was reading "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich," every time they mentioned the awful food in the gulag it would make me hungry?

Bear: Well, you probably didn't want THAT food, you just wanted food.

Me: No, I wanted to eat his crust of bread and broth. It sounded like a good combination.

Bear: Yeah that's actually pretty effed up.

November 14, 2011

"Even though you are finished, you are not finished."

I have this lump on my knee. I think it’s Osgood-Schlatter disease but I don’t know because I never cared enough to check it out. But it hurts if I push on it and it’s been there for what… 10 years? Meh.

Last Christmas I tore a muscle in my ribs shifting the blankets from one side to the other (it was cold - there were many heavy blankets). It still hasn’t healed because I keep reinjuring it while doing arm-stands in yoga. Or while pushing myself up from a chair. Or while turning to look at something.

Also I have some running… sensitivity. As in I’m pretty much always sore from running.

Why do I say this? Because this is the state I am in now, upon starting to do something most people start at age 5. I have started taking ballet.

I will probably not go “en pointe,” which makes me sad. So stop asking. You basically have to train your body as it grows to be able to do that. Since I am fully grown, it would be pretty tough. And probably kind of dumb.

So why am I doing it at all? Why am I shelling out $14 a week to basically be told I’m not good at a thing? Because I want to. Because I’ve always wanted to. So now that I’m an adult, I will pay for my own ballet class and eat Doritos for dinner if I want to and leave my towel kind of bunched up on the floor sometimes.

My teacher is a lovely man from Venezuela. And when I say lovely, I mean that the other night he told us, “That was good! Well, it wasn’t good. But it was the start of something good.” I shall call him El Tigre. Look for updates as I progress. Or fall on my face. EITHER WAY WE’RE GONNA HAVE A LOT OF FUN.

November 08, 2011


Ok, maybe I'm a bit behind, but I just found out something monumental:


What?! WHAT.

It's called "What Would Brian Boitano Make?" According to Food Network:
"In the series, Brian takes viewers on a reality cooking adventure as he creates amazing food for a new event in each episode focusing on innovative but accessible dishes."
You guys. You don't understand. From age 7 to 15, I was obsessed with figure skating. LOVED IT. Hated that my parents couldn't afford lessons. But most of all, I loved Brian Boitano.

"Here! I cooked you this juice!"


- Triple Lutz Linzer Cookies
- Salchow Salad
- Flying Camel Canapés

Anyway, this is the most fantastic thing I have ever inadvertently discovered. It totally made my day. I thought it couldn't get any better, but then!


And then Oksana Baiul drove her car into the kitchen and served everyone cocktails. (Kidding!)

By the way, what a handsome blade! LOOK AT HIM. So youthful! What Would Brian Boitano Make (to put on his face and prevent wrinkles)? Dear Lifetime: please produce that show.

In conclusion, all my dreams have come true. I have nothing else to wish for!

Except... maybe Ilia Kulik. What? He's adorbz.

November 01, 2011

Different Languages

The other night as I came out of the bathroom, Bear had a strange look on his face.

Bear: Did you wash your hands?

I hadn't, and I said so. I sheepishly went back to the bathroom and washed up.

Me: You know, it only works if you wash for at least 20 seconds.

Bear: Yeah...

Me: Well, I know you only do it for like 5. I've heard it!

This accusation elicited narrowed eyes. He made no denial, though. Never mind for a second that we've listened in on one another's washing habits.

Two hours later he went to the bathroom. Upon finishing his business he washed his hands while counting loudly. I ignored him.

Bear: Didn't you hear me? I counted out loud for you!

Me: I'm sorry. I couldn't understand. I don't speak I-Told-You-So.

I think we're both just a little stubborn.