November 19, 2011

Gulag? More like gu-licious!

Me: Is it bad that when I was reading "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich," every time they mentioned the awful food in the gulag it would make me hungry?

Bear: Well, you probably didn't want THAT food, you just wanted food.

Me: No, I wanted to eat his crust of bread and broth. It sounded like a good combination.

Bear: Yeah that's actually pretty effed up.

November 14, 2011

"Even though you are finished, you are not finished."

I have this lump on my knee. I think it’s Osgood-Schlatter disease but I don’t know because I never cared enough to check it out. But it hurts if I push on it and it’s been there for what… 10 years? Meh.

Last Christmas I tore a muscle in my ribs shifting the blankets from one side to the other (it was cold - there were many heavy blankets). It still hasn’t healed because I keep reinjuring it while doing arm-stands in yoga. Or while pushing myself up from a chair. Or while turning to look at something.

Also I have some running… sensitivity. As in I’m pretty much always sore from running.

Why do I say this? Because this is the state I am in now, upon starting to do something most people start at age 5. I have started taking ballet.

I will probably not go “en pointe,” which makes me sad. So stop asking. You basically have to train your body as it grows to be able to do that. Since I am fully grown, it would be pretty tough. And probably kind of dumb.

So why am I doing it at all? Why am I shelling out $14 a week to basically be told I’m not good at a thing? Because I want to. Because I’ve always wanted to. So now that I’m an adult, I will pay for my own ballet class and eat Doritos for dinner if I want to and leave my towel kind of bunched up on the floor sometimes.

My teacher is a lovely man from Venezuela. And when I say lovely, I mean that the other night he told us, “That was good! Well, it wasn’t good. But it was the start of something good.” I shall call him El Tigre. Look for updates as I progress. Or fall on my face. EITHER WAY WE’RE GONNA HAVE A LOT OF FUN.

November 08, 2011

WWBBD?

Ok, maybe I'm a bit behind, but I just found out something monumental:

BRIAN BOITANO HAS A SHOW ON THE FOOD NETWORK.

What?! WHAT.

It's called "What Would Brian Boitano Make?" According to Food Network:
"In the series, Brian takes viewers on a reality cooking adventure as he creates amazing food for a new event in each episode focusing on innovative but accessible dishes."
You guys. You don't understand. From age 7 to 15, I was obsessed with figure skating. LOVED IT. Hated that my parents couldn't afford lessons. But most of all, I loved Brian Boitano.

"Here! I cooked you this juice!"

HEY BRIAN I HAVE SOME IDEAS:

- Triple Lutz Linzer Cookies
- Salchow Salad
- Flying Camel Canapés

Anyway, this is the most fantastic thing I have ever inadvertently discovered. It totally made my day. I thought it couldn't get any better, but then!



KRISTI YAMAGUCHI SHOWED UP

And then Oksana Baiul drove her car into the kitchen and served everyone cocktails. (Kidding!)

By the way, what a handsome blade! LOOK AT HIM. So youthful! What Would Brian Boitano Make (to put on his face and prevent wrinkles)? Dear Lifetime: please produce that show.

In conclusion, all my dreams have come true. I have nothing else to wish for!

Except... maybe Ilia Kulik. What? He's adorbz.

November 01, 2011

Different Languages

The other night as I came out of the bathroom, Bear had a strange look on his face.

Bear: Did you wash your hands?

I hadn't, and I said so. I sheepishly went back to the bathroom and washed up.

Me: You know, it only works if you wash for at least 20 seconds.

Bear: Yeah...

Me: Well, I know you only do it for like 5. I've heard it!

This accusation elicited narrowed eyes. He made no denial, though. Never mind for a second that we've listened in on one another's washing habits.

Two hours later he went to the bathroom. Upon finishing his business he washed his hands while counting loudly. I ignored him.

Bear: Didn't you hear me? I counted out loud for you!

Me: I'm sorry. I couldn't understand. I don't speak I-Told-You-So.

I think we're both just a little stubborn.